Controversial opinion here, but I think Ardy 3 is actually my fave of the bunch.

This is said with a small proviso. The ending scene, where Ardy intercepts the…semipublic humiliation of Caspian to bear his lashes with the cane kind of works only at a metaphorical level – since I don’t really buy it that super-private, kink-negative Nathaniel would want to conduct this particular kinky experiment in any public fashion. But it takes the place of the masked ball in 50SOG book whatever, and is the theatrical setting for the choice given in this novel, between Caspian’s desire for kink and his wish to not be kinky. The masked sex party becomes an underworld with two differently-allied angels calling to Caspian to choose a future for himself, which is a concept I can get behind. Caspian’s character development is pretty much not a thing that happens in this novel, but it still brings home the central theme that this is not a love-triangle with a power-struggle at its heart; this is a love-triangle in which Caspian will either remain blind to himself or choose self-knowledge.

But that aside, I absolutely love how subversive yet completely enjoyable this entire book is. It’s a romance about many types of love, not just love for the titular Hero. There’s the FWB arrangement between Arden and George, which is loving and erotic and BDSM-centric, but not the stuff of a LTR – and beyond that, it’s a relationship that seems more beautiful because it is finite, not lasting. There’s the friendship between Ellery and Arden, which is not at all romantic but is loving. The friendship between Nic and Arden, which, as always, is both romantic and loving but not sexual. And the brief encounter with Bellerose, which is not really a friendship nor romantic but about caretaking a man whose entire identity has been built upon taking care of others. All these relationships are experiences Ardy has that teach him about love as much, if not more, than his relationship with Caspian does.

I appreciated how the Jose plot of 50 Shades, in which Ana’s photographer friend has a gallery show of portraits of Ana, to which she does not consent and is completely surprised by, is replaced by George’s very sensitive and beautiful portrayal of Ardy in a gallery show with his full consent. And I also loved how Nathaniel, with his well-meaning but ultimately harmful and manipulative meddling in Caspian’s life, becomes this echo of Ana’s distaste for kink in that series – trying to make Caspian choose a kink-free path under the misguided notion that kink is intrinsically harmful. The dinner scene between Nathaniel, Arden and Caspian is one of the most superlatively awkward things I have ever read and I just adored it. I actually reread it immediately to just relish in the conversational discomfort between intervals of Arden being poured minuscule portions of wine and shoving Halloumi in his face. (Also, I definitely wanted to make Nathaniel’s meal afterwards- his obnoxious Martha Stewarting might be hilarious, but he sounds like he can really cook a mean halloumi plate, za’atar pea soup and roast lamb dinner.)

Most of all, this is a book that takes the heroine’s journey to independence very seriously, which is something we so rarely see in romance. (Here, Ardy occupies the typical role of the heroine in such stories). Usually if there’s a sense that the hero/heroine is choosing the love interest out of a lack of educated options, he or she or they go off and volunteer with Habitat for Humanity or something or become, like, a truck driver (or whatever the hell Archer did before returning to Pelion in Archer’s Voice), and then they reemerge in the final chapter after six months like: “after all that growing which totes happened, I’m back in town because I know you have just been waiting around for me doing nothing, even though we’ve been no-contact for at least half a year. So d’you wanna get engaged now, or…?”

And this book is not that. It’s so not that. It’s about trying to live one’s life after heartbreak and grow as a person even when someone has disappointed you so painfully, about the other kinds of relationships that can be as meaningful, in their own ways, as romantic and sexual love.

Originally published on Goodreads on October 22, 2020